Now Playing Tracks

Mentioned in “Crazier than ‘Mortal Combat” #5

#5. Knight Fighting Leagues

imageArmored Combat League

With the exception of your local renaissance faire, the real world is facing a tragic shortage of guys in full armor whacking each other with swords. Not to worry, because here to remedy that situation are Knight Fighting Leagues, which are pretty much exactly (and awesomely) what they sound like.

imagePolska Liga Walk Rycerskich
"Please God let the codpiece hold please God let the codpiece hold please God …"

Such leagues are most popular in Europe, where Poland unsurprisingly hosts the Polish Knight Fighting League. These “knights” use replicas of medieval plate armor and period-authentic weapons like swords and axes — which are, of course, blunted (because otherwise that would be plain old-fashioned murder) — to go at each other in an archaic free-for-all in which winners are determined based on the number of blows landed (or whoever’s still standing after said blows have done said landing).

If you’re looking to join up, you’d better find yourself a damn good squire with plenty of armor-affixing expertise, because pretty much anything goes in Knight Fighting League: kicks, knee strikes, and helmeted head butts are par for the course. Fights can be one-on-one or in “armies,” which is about as close to a real life Game of Thrones scene as you can experience short of banging your sister.

imagePolska Liga Walk Rycerskich
Hopefully George R.R. Martin will have finished the books by the time you wake from your coma.

The Polish league is just one of several participants in the Battle of the Nations, a world championship taking place in Croatia (presumably because Croatia has lax laws regarding dealing out myriad sword welts to total strangers). And before you even ask — yes, there’s an American team. So get to polishing that armor if you’re ready to trade in your weekend cosplay for something a bit more … momentous.

Read more:

To Tumblr, Love Pixel Union